two weeks of living vividly

It's been such an intense time.

Sorry, I've saved up 13 days of material.

Monday - don't remember much except that we lost at curling (Monday is my night with Leigh and Jenn). During their unit test, one of my able and eager Physics students completely blanked on one question about a snowmobile collision. I watched him staring at one page for the last 15 or 20 minutes. Poor guy. It was a question I all but told them was going to be on the test. I saw him in the hall a while later and tried to say some encouraging words but I think it just made him sadder. He was on the verge of tears.

Tuesday - the senior boys' lost their North region-semi final to York Mills at home. It was ugly. Complete fear of failure. Then we (Heather, Beth, Peter, and I) had to go to a coaches' meeting for the North region, where I had to face the York Mills coach and hear from Peter about all the things I could have done better during the game. It was a tough night. I think I spent about 2 hours writing my speech for the next day. You know the expression: if I had more time, I would have made it shorter. I made it shorter. The speech was mostly about courage.

Wednesday - SKIP AHEAD if nitty-gritty volleyball stuff bores you. 7am practice with the senior boys, 3:20 tryout with the senior girls. At lunch time I happened to see two grade 10 basketball players and convinced them to come to the tryout. Anita was stunned that I even knew her name but recalled that I did go watch a few basketball practices and games. The tryout was pretty fun. At the end I had two courts going side-by-side just playing a 4-2. Brian was playing with them. He made one pretty big back court attack that Kara, a grade 12 who didn't play volleyball last year, dug up like it was no big deal. She made the cut. I heard a big crack as Brian made another big attack but then I heard the gym go wild. Somebody had just stuff-blocked him. 15-year-old Anita. It's impressive enough that she was in the right spot at the right time. The shocking part is that he didn't go through her. She made the cut.

Thursday - 7am tryout with the senior girls. I posted the final list at the end of the day. I made some gutsy cuts and risky keeps, IMO. It's going to be a fun season no doubt. I got some work done (it happens so infrequently) after school and then I stayed at Dion's parents' house for the night so that I could take the car to school in the morning and have it for the weekend.

Friday - morning practice with the senior boys, good periods in the resource room in the morning, and the easiest-to-organise field trip ever with the Grade 12 Physics class in the afternoon. It was a workshop at the engineering faculty of U of T on how to design a spaceship. It was reasonably educational and of varying degrees of interest for the students - ranging from "hey it kinda sucked but I got out of class in the afternoon" to "wow, this is so cool.". The good things about it - 1. it was free. 2. I didn't need to miss any classes for it. 3. I didn't need any extra teachers to come with me (30-1 ratio is fine for that age and low-risk activities) 4. Almost all of the students could come. 5. Transportation was the TTC. 6. Students were allowed to go home unsupervised.

On the way back to school, I was on the bus with just two of my students, including the one who blanked on the test. He explained that he remembered my saying that it was a really excellent test question and that I had done a bit of wink-wink-nudge-nudge. But then a lot of the students laughed. Of course, they laughed because teachers aren't "supposed" to tell you what's on the test. But he interpreted it as, "she's goofing around. This is so hard that there is no way that it is on the test." And the worst part for him was that he was studying with a really strong student at lunch, right before the test. The strong student said something like, "I'll bet you anything that the snowmobile question is on the test." It was too late for him to learn it.

We lost our curling game and then drove straight to Beth's cottage and arrived around midnight. Poor Dion was already starting to get sick and then he had a pretty strong allergic reaction to Beth's dogs.

Saturday - nice day chilling out with Beth and getting some marking done. Poor Dion slept most of the day away - doped up on Neocitran. But then he beat us pretty handily at Scrabble. I had challenged him twice. Won one, lost one. For future reference: padders IS in the SPD, gentleer is NOT.

Sunday - left the cottage pretty early, got home, and took care of some stuff. I think I skyped with Kristin (or was that the week before?).

Monday - returned the gr 12 Physics tests and talked about study strategies - including studying in groups because at least someone will know what's on the test. I told them, too, that I didn't mean to have confused anybody about the snowmobile question. I will try to be more explicit in the future and they should call me on it if I am speaking in riddles. It really isn't fair that I speak in code to a few students who "get the game" of school.

I got an attendance report for all of the girls' volleyball players plus Brian, who was going to act as my assistant. Someone has to teach Jane and Kathleen to set - and God knows I'm not the one to do it. Not exactly the blind leading the blind, but it's close. Anyway, at this point I'm becoming really concerned for Brian. He has a habit of picking slacker friends and skipping classes.

The City of Toronto boys' volleyball championships took place this week. We are in the AAAA division (for the largest schools). Monday, we played Woburn at home in the quarter finals and WON 2-1. They played well. Stuck together, played some awesome defense. Jon had a break-through game. I've never seen him play smarter. For match point, Jon jumped really high and went over the block with a 75% speed hit that landed in deep one, where there was absolutley no one there to pick it up. Our motto up to that point had been, "good things happen when you go to one." We finally converted him. Unfortunately, Peter wasn't there to see it.

I really started to get excited about the prospect of OFSAA. Staying in the hotel. Dion would come as the male supervisor. The banquet. Ahh. A win on Tuesday would almost guarantee us a trip to OFSAA because two teams from Toronto go. We would only need to beat Macdonald (a heavy favourite) OR Northview (a heavy underdog).

Tuesday - We played our city semi-final at Northview against Danforth, who beat us 2-0. It wasn't a terrible game but we did beat ourselves. I think that I had improved dramatically in my game-coaching but it wasn't enough. We lost the first set 26-24, but having played rather well. But then despite two time-outs and two substitutions, we were down 11-2 at the start of the second set. Only then did we decide to play. To our credit, we toughed it out and traded points for the rest of the match. I was particularly proud that when Danforth was up 23-13, we kept playing. We did not lose 25-13. Most teams would. We lost 25-19. Danny served seven times, including three more times after a Danforth time-out.

It was a hard loss to take because it meant that our season was all but over. Danforth would have to beat the heavy favourites on Thursday and then we would need to beat the favourites on Friday to go to OFSAA. I took my probabilities and figured it was about a 9% chance. We were sad but I think it was healthy disappointment. Part of life, builds character, all that. Anyway, I stayed in the gym to watch the second semi-final and to chat with Beth, Peter, and Alison (a VP). It completely made my day that three of my players came back in the gym to watch the game.

Wednesday - morning practice with the senior boys. I gave them a speech about how proud I was of them and although I really wanted to win against Danforth, (if you're reading this, you probably know me well enough to know I hate losing) it made my day to see those players come back and to know that I still got to come back into the gym with them for the rest of the week. I was close to tears but not even trying to hide it. It was a really fun practice and we goofed around a fair bit. They didn't even play very well but no one cared.

Senior girls' practice afterschool. Pretty fun, but man, we've got a lot of work to do.

Thursday - senior boys' practice at lunch. A few of them were in the greatest, goofiest mood because they're also on the basketball team and they just won a season-opening tournament the day before. Fun practice again. I told them about a player's suspension (he was too embarrassed to tell them himself) and that they needed to support him, the same way he supported them. I also told them that I was going to U of T to watch the city finals and that whatever the result of the Danforth-Macdonald game, we would meet at the beginning of lunch - for season wrap-up or practice, depending. Before our practice-ending cheer, Danny interrupted to lead us in spontaneous prayer for Danforth. I was a little stunned but it couldn't hurt, could it?

I had fun with my grade 12 Physics class too. We haven't been having a lot of fun lately. I've been away so often for volleyball that when I am there, it's all business. I told them my F=ma story. Non-9T7 Eng Scis out there may remember Prof. Collins' speech on our first day of class. I repeated what I remembered of it and we dissected it. Then, we played BINGO, or should I say FSECS (phu-SECS) - Freebody diagrams, Symbols, Equations, Calculations, Significant figures. It was a nice change of pace.

A player's prayer worked and Danforth won 2-0. So, we found out at 8:30 that we were - much to my surprise - playing at Macdonald the next day. Do or die. OFSAA or bridesmaids. Well holy cr*p, that just made the next 24-hours ridiculously exciting and chaotic. I had to get ready for a supply teacher for my last period class (prepping to be away is always harding than prepping to be there) and make phone calls.

Friday - I was completely worn out around midnight (at the beginning of Friday) and just crashed. But then Dion came to bed at 3:30, which normally, I wouldn't even notice. But I did wake up and my mind started racing. Thinking about the next day & OFSAA. I ruminated for ages. I looked at the clock and it was 5:00. Well, my alarm was set for 5:30 for senior girls' practice; so, I just got up and took care of 2 or 3 of the 400 things I needed to do. Thankfully, I ate a really good breakfast because that and adrenaline was all I had to get me through until after the game.

Before most morning practices, as I'm waiting for the first subway of the day Northbound at Wellesley at 6:09 in the morning, I'm barely awake enough to do the Sudoku or to skim the Metro. Well, I was so excited, that I was pacing the platform. Not just shifting my weight, but grinding a groove in the floor. I actually caught myself unconsciously skipping at a couple of points on Friday. I was completely wired all day. I have never been that excited for even my own athletic competitions.

pretty good resource periods in the morning considering that I was trying to multitask some administration for getting to Macdonald and that Rose was absent and that we had a supply teacher in. Lunch practice. Highly necessary to work out some of the jitters. I had no fear of tiring them out. They're 17 and there was more than enough energy to go around. Here's my speech that followed my description of the game-plan. "If we want to go to OFSAA and we play like we deserve to go to OFSAA, we might just go to OFSAA." Practice ended with a cheer and another prayer.

It turns out that the gym was closed to student spectators because no admin from either school could be in the gym. Parents and teachers only. Unfortunately, we found out too late for a couple of my junior players, whom we turned away at the door. But Peter and Beth were there, several relatives of Danny and Matthew, plus our two super-duper student-teachers/gym rats, who had just had their last day at Jackson (until we hire them next year, I hope). Luckily, Nick (a first-year U of T student and sr. boys' athlete of the year at Jackson last year) was there, too. He sits on the bench with me and Brian and Kara when he comes. So, I had someone other than the players at whom to direct my nervous energy and any negative thoughts that I had during the game. I'm verbal. It helps for me to say something out loud and then I move on.

Game One (Best of Three). We're with them all the way. Macdonald is the heavy favourite but they're only playing at around 65 to 75%, I'd say. We're executing the game plan (something we've stuggled to do in the past) and playing great. So great, that I screwed up and lost track of the score. Rookie coach. We were up 22-20. But then they got three points on us before I called time out. We lost the first one 25-22. That was the only run more than two that Macdonald had in the match.

Game Two. I was afraid of another lapse like against Danforth when they didn't start to play until 11 points into the second game. Much to my delight, the team went out on the floor and kept on executing. But it wasn't to be. We played almost aggressively enough. Today's prayer wasn't enough. The score in the second set was 25-23.

Right after the game, Babak said it all - "The game was too pretty for us to be sad." True as it is, it's easy for Babak to say. He's our only bench player and still in grade 11. I said a few feeble words about how they should let themselves be disappointed or angry, it's healthy and natural, but that they had absolutely nothing to regret. I sent them into the change room to discuss what we should do for dinner. I wanted them to hurry into the change room so that I didn't have to cry in front of them. Tears mostly of joy.

When they came out of the change room, Peter come over to talk to them about the season, their athletic careers at Jackson, and their position as role-models in the school. At first, I was staring right at him but then I scanned their faces. My heart was melting. How could anyone not love these kids? I hardly had anything to say (rare - I know). They know how I feel by now. When Peter was done, Danny added that it wasn't just their experience in the gym that made the team so special. It was their experiences off the court, as well. They're very tight and spend a lot of time together. Danny also thanked me for stepping in to save their season and they all applauded. Of course, I was the lucky one in this transaction, I protested. I was once again embarrassed in front of them for being embarrased in front of them. I think I looked at the floor and shuffled my feet. Then we went out to Macdonalds.

Matthew blew me away. It was a time for us to be thinking about ourselves and celebrating our success as a team. But he wanted to know more about the suspended player, who couldn't be there for obvious reasons. What a kid.

Then I went curling. We got crushed.

Saturday - I got a 9am phone call, which normally I would leave for the machine, but I took it anyway. Happily, it was Becky, inviting us out to brunch. It was a nice brunch. Great to see her and Rob. Su, Lellean, and a friend of Lellean's were there, too, but they were at the other end of the table. So, I recounted much of this to Rob and Becky. I almost came to tears for the umpteenth time this week.

After brunch, I did some grocery shopping, took a nap, and spent a couple of hours blogging and wiping tears off my cheeks.